Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize