Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
