Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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