i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
