hotel room ftw
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
