im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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