So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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