Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
