The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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