this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
