I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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