My sheets look like a crime scene.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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