OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
