I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
