I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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