I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
