Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
