why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
