That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
