i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
