Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize