how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
