Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
