So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
