lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
