I hope mine doesn't look like that
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Holy sore nipples Batman
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
