I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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