I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize