First date: that requires underwear, huh?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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