Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
