are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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