dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Randomize
