I'm really into asian looking animals
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
