he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
