just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
