Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
