I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
