No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
