There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
