when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
