The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
