She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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