She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
