I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
