you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
