what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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