Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
