I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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