Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
