I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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