FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
