I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I pour the whiskey from now on
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
