Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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