nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
