You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
