God, you're like boner-b-gone
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
