Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
