At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize