You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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