Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
