I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
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