I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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